Okay. I swear, Discworld doesn't have to do with all this. I suppose I shall be pretty informal with this, since I'm not in the mood... But I am SERIOUS. As serious as... well, science students. Or law students. It's that kind of serious. But also kinda lit student rambly. Erm.

(RANT-You may skip this.)

It's not like anyone has actually been diligent enough to send comments about this webpage. Oh, no, it's not like anyone actually thinks this would be worth their time. It would definitely help if I had the money to get broadband, which I haven't, just so that I could hang around mailing lists and IRC and ICQ so that I can get every damn friend in the world. Point being, even if I had the money I wouldn't have the time, because I'd be working all the time for that money anyway. I suppose I am pretty bitter about this. Pretty bitter about bourgeosie kids who don't know jack shit being able to hang out with other kids who know jack shit (wait, I'm underaged too... Will take that into consideration.). Actually, like many predecendants before me, I suppose bitterness is a very normal thing. 

Imagine scenario one:
Girl1: Erm. So, what does anyone think of this which I poured my heart/soul into?
(Silence)
Girl1: Erm, hello? anyone there?
(Silence)
(time to wave desperately, bird flies by, crickets chirp, et cetera, you get the idea.)

Thank the world for the actual presence of girls who are vocal. I LIKE vocal people. Not that I am fond of vocalists, but I like people who can actually get vocal. I don't give a shit about shy people-- what's there to be shy on about the internet? Dog bites hand kinda thingy? Sheesh. 
 

Suppose I am arrogant, which is often the case. Suppose I am a prick who wouldn't post fics up if nobody vocally voices it. Which is also why nobody actually posts quality stuff up these days. Why? All MUTE readers out there. MUTE. Which is also why I like vocal people-- they're usually the ones who, even if they don't have enough brain cells, actually think. <- Important word, people. Stuff it into your vocab.

(END OF RANT)

Okay. Personal grievances are gone, fluttering away into the darkness... As black as coffee without milk. (Damn you, Pratchett!) Speaking of which, I shall get Cocoa instead. (sidles off to get cocoa, for the marshmallow)

Aaah. Cocoa and marshmallow, all is well. Erm. I suppose I must really state that, for once, despite all my arrogance, I am not a super-human. As a matter of fact, I may posess (I suppose I am sounding quite arrogant too) strength of judgement and understanding (hah, I only wish I can do this with school) of character. Yes, Lit student, over-analyse all that comes your way. And come to think of it, people whom I actually respected for their intelligence (higher than mine) were usually very arrogant. I think it rubbed off a little. I'm usually quite nice when I'm not trying to be intellectual about my intellect. The point is.. Point... Er. Yum. I might seem intelligent, which is the truth, but I believe that I lack something that is of this world. For example, I might be able to look at Hyde's lyrics and over-analyse what the hell is in it while being real cynical and whatnot, but at the same time, there are many things that I do not know. Take for example, I do not know how he looks like when he sits on the toilet bowl. Or what positions he likes for sex. It is very hard to judge, even with strength of understanding, something that is very ambiguous all along. (Yum yum yum yum... Cocoa!)

Also, my understanding is limited within my scope of intelligence and sensory perception-- that is to say, I am trapped within this reality. Therefore my understanding (are you losing me there, somewhere?) is limited within this scope, if there is all that is, within my current conscious, such as the fact that I am sleepy and cocoa tastes good, and limited by my experiences and outlooks on life. I believe that I am very ambivalent indeed; even my opinions are ambivalent, but at the same time, in this matter even in ambivalence I will still have some sort of conditioning done by negative socialisation of goddamned human beings (insert rant about being mal-treated here), therefore, my perception will be confined within these restraints. But thankfully, I don't think Hyde has gotten this far in his thoughts; he has questioned the truth, but he cannot comprehend infinity. Not that I can, but I doubt he has that concept of infinity as well defined as I have. (I have a hunch he visualises it more like a coin.) And the point is, I only have one song's lyrics and a couple of RRN Self Portraits to base this judgement on. @_@; Which, as you can see, isn't very substantial, but rather intuitively done. 

Which is to say that he night be capable of more thoughts, it's just that he hasn't shown it much, or I haven't seen it. But the funny thing is, I seem to be able to know Hyde like the back of my hand, but I just can't seem to know Tetsu quite as well though he's my favourite. Maybe that's why I like Tetsu and not Hyde. Either that, or maybe that's why Hyde's called Hyde-- he's the Doppelganger! Woho! (I love the word "troglodyte".)
 

Also, I must admit that I really don't know much. Which is, in fact, the case. I am not obsessive-compulsive about reading everything that comes my way. Usually I procrastinate on my TIMES article (mainly coz Newsweek was more interesting and Bushie is an idiot), and I hardly ever read anything nowadays coz of *)!)#!*# school. And I can't think about art in terms of lines. Not that this is necessary for psychoanalysis, but if I was asked to psychoanalyse Ken I'd probably not be able to do it well, but then again he's not like Hyde; he doesn't show his innermost thoughts to people. Either that, or he & Yukki seem too normal to comprehend. 

And the funny bit is that, despite using the term "psychoanalyse", I am not a psychologist! Nope. In fact, I don't know much about modern psychology, except vaguely that lobotomy is interesting. This really doesn't help, does it? So, why Hyde? Am I cursed with the arcane knowledge... Riiight. It's not like it's even worth a penny.

So, that's my disclaimer. Let me tell you how I do it. But, I believe in my judgement (which explains the arrogant bit) mainly because the net volume of my thoughts, when I actually do think, would hint at the fact that -if- Gawd puts one more neuron in my brain, my head wouldn't be able to get through the door. At least, that's how it feels, though I seriously think I underutilise it 99.9 percent of the time.

I also have instincts! There's got to be something said for horoscopes; they don't make scientific sense but they make lots of human sense. So yes, I am a Pisces born nearer to Aries. That explains the cynicism bit and why I'm not as stupid as most other Pisces are. (oops, gotta find a politically correct term for this...) Okay. Happy-in-the-tiny-pond kind of stupid. You get the idea. And the stars (I forgot which one) of my birthdate really does explain why I'm ambivalent (it's there somewhere...). So, basically, everything works on instincts and coincidences. Like how it was, amazingly, that I had a crush and the song Pieces comes along and saves my soul, to the even more amazing thing that ideology is. After I read The Little Prince, I had this thingy about adults, which was just about the month before I actually read Tetsu's 99 article about not being an adult (when interviewed about storming off the music prog). If that isn't coincidental, I don't know what that is. 
 

Then there's the whole yaoi thing. Some people take it as a fad, some take it as I dunno what, kink? But for me it's actually a way of life, mainly because it just so happens that guys around me have really annoying personalities. But yeah, I'm a girl, so maybe it's Yuri. It's not like I'm really all-out for homosexuality; it's just that heterosexuals tend to be annoying. Or that hetero is fine, if I can actually manage to find an OK guy who isn't gay, it's just that homo is more of my thing. Perhaps vice versa for guys, if they're somewhere between the closet's doors at this point in time. But it does take one to know another, which is why I am for Hyde x Tetsu. It's instinctive, really, and also there are times when you can tell. It's quite obvious; I didn't even have to look that hard at the picture. A look in the eye in videos, that I am certain is not a mirage. I am not one to dream (hallucinate, probably, but I'm not one for alcohol or smoke recently); I'm too singaporean for that (runs away before any singaporean-without-humour decides to go on a PAP rampage). Magazine pictures, particularly of lives. Tetsu's 98 photoshoot, where, despite the girl's leg, he just lets more of his gaiety out. But on the whole, I suppose, Tetsu wasn't heterosexual until recently when he locked himself in the closet again. But of course, what with his (cough) connections (cough cough) with Yamada... (cough cough cough) from Flying L'Arc Attack... (COUGH!) It's hard to tell. And then Gackt and Hyde's (Erm) Miraculous Meeting (rolls eyes). It's very obvious, at least for some people, that these prototypes are GAY. Face it. GAY. Well, one could argue, how could you REALLY know? And really stupid narrow-minded people would go, Hyde's married! 

But as a literature student I could argue that social problems particularly with homosexuality is really... Erm... Different. Marriage and tabloids are social. Love is emotional. These two are different. Romantic as Pisces is supposed to be (which I doubt I am, unless you mean it in a really cynical way), love and being together is totally different. You could love someone, but break that person's heart and still love that person. In fact, you could break that person's heart and that person could still love you, albeit it'd take a couple of prozac or a drink to cheer up a bit (did I mention that Tetsu's gone drinking more recently?). There are just some things that you know within your gut. Hyde's gay, for one! And Tetsu's (cough) re-appearing closet, for another! (Although, both Hyde and Tetsu seem to be prone to puppy-crushes with girls/women, like many male Romantics are prone to) And Gackt is definitely gay. -_-; It doesn't matter what they say on this issue. It is more of what they say about other things and then what they do with regards to this issue. What they say and what they think might be totally different at certain junctures.

And besides, my instinct with regards to human relations can be pretty accurate if that person doesn't annoy me too much. That goes for Hyde and Tetsu, mainly because they don't get to annoy me, because I can't be annoyed by them since they're not around me 100 percent of the time. Otherwise I'd probably think they're stupid as well, profound as they really are. (Oh, come on, I know that they're profound people. I'm just not too sure about their day to day behaviour.)

Okay... On to moral issues. What gives me the right to talk about their personal life as if they were public property? The usual thing: commodities are commodities. Since Hyde sells his music this way, I am not going to be too polite about it. He sells his music; I buy the music; I have the right to analyse market structures. Besides, if I have the brains, why not? I'm sure other people who are actually interested in the real soul of the commodity would read it too. Besides, It's not like Hyde's English is good enough to read this anyway, unless some long-nosed sod actually bothers. Anyway, even if my ass gets sued bankrupt it could be a compliment of sorts. (See what I say about ambivalence!? Arrgh! This would get me nowhere!)

Which is to say... I don't think there's a moral issue there. It just nags a bit, but it's pointless since the way the real world works isn't exactly the same as utopia's constitution. So heck it.

This is more or less settled, I think. But although I may sound arrogant, I don't mind intellectual challenges. So long as it's not a really stupid SxH fan telling me they just look good together (Oh, like there's nothing more important than that, rolls eyes) or DEG fan telling me DEG is actually a Taoist way (hehe.). And anyway, I'm usually nice if I'm not talking to myself like in this article. 

Arrgh. (slinks off to do art homework)