on 17th of march they released the news. It was kinda funny actually, because when I just accessed it on Monday, I kept playing with the flash and refreshing the page. So I was there when it said, news released on 18th march, and then I was also there when they changed the whole thing to 17th march. @_@ Amazing coincidence, because my birthday is on 18th march. Quite an anti-climax coincidence actually, but still... very funny.

Anyway, hido has gone crazy!! It might be the chocolate or the euphoria of turning eighteen. But yes. hido is crazy. hido is actually mad enough to think that just because the live is scheduled in the holidays, she is going to go to Japan, fly there all all alone, without any friend or relative, just to go there and see L'Arc~en~Ciel. If anything, that is extremely stupid and insane.

And hido recently listens to radiohead alot, but that's off topic. And Marilyn Manson's new hairstyle somehow reminds me of Hyde's. Even the striped suit the two of them wear looks similar! Gah.

So yes. 

hido knows that ardent wishes are made to go flop, so hido types this article in hopes of releasing the ardentness of it. So that when it doesn't happen, hido can say, I told myself so!

It is really an insane idea, to begin with. Midyears are going to start on the 30 March. If I went to Japan I wouldn't be able to study. And also, the A's are at the end of the year. I probably should be studying, but I've been a bloody procrastinator for so long that it probably is going to amount to the same thing anyway. Although... I'm so far behind my art project that they're probably going to make me go back in June to do it and I'll really get killed if I don't on that last minute rush. (buries head in tete's chest) Noooo... -> warning to guys and girls: never take AEP!!!! NEVER!!! They'll want you to get an A and that's bloody not good!

(background echo: slack liiiife... (in TEZMAN tune))

Academia aside, finances are difficult. hido has enough money for air tickets and probably one or two tickets. There's also train fares to take into consideration. And lodgings. Although hido is prepared to sleep on the streets, it isn't exactly very ideal to have a trip where anyone can mug/rape you instantly, hey presto, no matter how much you look like a boy with short hair, even if I'm convinced that I can sleep on the streets after spending one night sleeping by the Durian (the riverside) along with an aquarian with a couple of white collars, hippies and foreign workers drifting in and out trying to see what's like to run away from home and go on self-exile... But still, Singapore is not Japan. Durian is not Tokyo. (anguished scream)

That also means hido would have to work, but hido doesn't have a job. Jobless and on the verge of being kicked out of school. And it's bloody hard to find a job nowadays. hido wants to go for modelling job, but hido thinks she's too ugly for that... but there are so many ugly people in amateur modelling who get their faces pasted on buses, so hido doesn't really see why not-> but hido is still scared and skeptical. And besides, hido has no time! hido has school! (still... it's still on the verge of getting kicked out, not actually kicked out yet)

But that's also beside the point. It is just absolute insanity. I can't get around Japan with my (lousy) Japanese, and I probably can't grasp the language so soon. I'll get LOST! I always get lost! I get lost even in Singapore! I can even get lost in a supermarket!! And I'll definitely get lost in Japan, Tokyo, where everything's maze-like! (despair)

However in the first place, the concert tickets are going to be a bloody problem. hido doesn't have any contacts... and hido is worried that whoever she knows might not be able to help. There is just an ever-so-teeny weeny chance that she can get the tics, which is really... stupid. Arrgh!

That generally means that hido might not end up going in the first place, which would be all for the better. (nodnod)

So... Yes. Out of the system. And reading Hyde's interview in Newsmaker doesn't help, either. He's just too bloody similar! ARRRGH. (bangs head against wall) Where's Tetsu when you need him? 

I'll just go off into a corner, cut myself, and bleed and cry and get all manic depressive and stupid like certain cynical romantics are wont to do. (more anguished screams: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!)