To say that TETSU69's solo is not related to my life would be lying. Everytime his singles are released when I need it most. It can be said to be a coincidence, which is very strange indeed; there can only be so many coincidences in my life, you know! 

As it turns out, the first maxi single (t/ww) was released when I was fighting for my O levels. It was also a time when I needed more tetsu-doses-- because L'Arc~en~Ciel's activities were getting stagnant. 

Back then I had no idea how life would suck. But because of this single, I met an interesting persona who accompanied me in my overnight stay in the airport and came for my birthday thingy. With it came many interesting conversations that kinda helped the development of my ideas of philosophy (and writing). Also, it did reaffirm my talent.

I did write thoughts of it. Actually, I don't know jack shit about musical theories, so I shall not pretend to know. What I go according to is feeling and personal relations. And so far, it has served me well.

Well. TIGHTROPE was a song that reminded me of driving late night (err...) and was quite a good dose for angst-seeking people. It was at that time when I heard rumours about his breaking up with Kaori Mochida, and also, in conjunction with L'Arc's going solo... So yeah, I was real worried about him.

Wonderful World didn't really matter so much to me. It was a cute little song that makes me like tetsu more, to some extent, because of its perkiness and cheerful backing vocals (so many tetsus! Sounds like heaven, naaaaaa~) At first it sounded horrendous (to me), because of the style... It isn't very rockerish, to say the least. But it is sweet, and there is a spirit that makes it wonderful indeed. Maybe that was just acquired taste. 

Basically I listened to it a whole lot when it came out, and felt that when I was immersed in the songs, he has stolen away my heart. So I realised that it's not L'Arc~en~Ciel that I really like (because, to me that is a thing of the past, and I do not revel in that.) 

The next would be "Shinkirou". It was released nearly the same time as the brief message on TETSU69.com, which had to do with rocking on. Shinkirou to me was very interesting and seemed highly experimental. It was powerful... And the song itself accompanied me when I was most distressed about school. At that time, I hated art and all the subjects I'd taken, and had given up.

Strangely enough, I was damn lucky. I should have been kicked out of school, but was not. Shinkirou became my theme song for Tetsu-- there was so much that I knew about him, that it strengthened my belief and fighting spirit. Because it came after the change of label, and there has been talk about dissatisfaction with the industry (ie: "Sweater", which was "bravery"'s working title), I believe that it is a song about growing up. Because I always have issues with it...

I had been so happy to see it, because I didn't expect HMV or Towers to import it. The prices of HMV is insane-- about twice the actual off-shelf in Japan price. But I bought it anyway, and wore the T-shirt immediately. The T-shirt, as I said (coz I was reading Soul Music by Terry Pratchett), was "so thin it would dissolve immediately when soaked in water". Of course, IRL it's not that bad. I've worn it quite a lot. And it's really cottony soft comfortable. It's very comfortable to hug, too.

In my diary, I wrote (about Shinkirou): "The lyrics... are inspiring. I think... I can only survive what i went through because he existed. Because he released this single. Because such a beautiful person somewhere exists."

Then there was "fifteen half". After that, I got back to school because my teachers came and I realised that I actually passed and if I got kicked out when I passed would be a relatively stupid thing to do.

So far I haven't seen anybody figure out what's "fifteen half", really, but I have figured it out. The clue lies in "otome ni wa nani mo". There was an interview regarding this whole idea of "otome" (go figure) in 1999, after the ordeal with them walking off a TV show coz some idiot called them "visual". As a tetsu fan, I have always seen this concept as very important... So, I think I understand what 15 half is.

You really have to give him a pat in the back for trying so hard, especially for his (wheezing) vocals. There are so much of tetsu's ideals as a stepping stone. So much of it, that it outshines every other song. As a song it is not as powerful ("Empty Tears" is really a lot better), but as an emotion it is beautiful. And it has, and will be, the song representative of what we know as tetsu, because of the spirit behind it... The immense youth, that is, immense hope, strength and memory derived from it. That's what makes tetsu so wonderful.

And that was the time when I got back to school, and everybody showed more support than I'd have expected. But, sixteen will always be the anchor for both tetsu and I. Sixteen is when both our ideals changed so drastically and also when we were fighting. To live. That is why it is fifteen and half.

Of course, if I wasn't a fan, I'd be real cynical about my own feelings, but hey, you can't be intellectual all the time.

And then, there is the entire thingy about TEZMAN. There are plenty of hints with regards to TEZMAN's existence, such as "righteousness in a world of deception" in TEZMAN's introduction (like many TETSU69 songs which bring up the idea of "righteousness"), and there's this thingy about keeping TEZMAN in good shape, in all languages. Is it because TEZMAN should be kept in good shape, because he is fragile? It points to TETSU69's constitution, really.

And then... There is SUITE NOVEMBER.

This time, it is an album. In the following week (days surrounding the time I got November Suite), I lost a job, I lost a friend, and I lost my grandmother. The friend bit was OK. I really would have lost her sooner or later. We're really not getting along well anyway. The job thing left a bitter taste in my mouth, and brings monetary issues to mind, but I don't care. But my grandmother... 

SUITE NOVEMBER is... just tetsu. It's always been tetsu. Is it the song, or the style? It is truly an album, with a theme on hand. It isn't one of those lousy slipshod albums with random songs thrown in. It is about growing, about life and its realisations. Of course all songs are about life, but there is seldom an album dedicated to that. "What is real?" In SCARECROW, there are slightly religious and existential questions raised. It is also a question of whether anyone will prevail-- the phrase "all who are sacrificed" (roughly translated^^;;;;) is a killer phrase with regards to the answer. Another recurring theme is loneliness, as seen in Pretender, although there is always the desire to convey ideas (particularly seen in "empty tears"). But, it is gentle, and therefore does more reparations than separation.

"The ideal, or the dream, would be to arrive at a language that heals as much as it separates. Could one imagine a language sufficiently transparent, sufficiently supple, intense, faithful so that there would be reparation and not only separation?"- Cixious

The above quote (happily stumbled upon when I was reading Carole Maso's Ava) is, I think, enough to describe TETSU69's music. OK, so his vocals don't have that explosive quality, but that doesn't diminish the fact that his falsetto is beautiful. Also, it is slightly more suitable for his own songs in the continuation of the song. And because it is his vocals, only the truthful way which he sings it (unlike in Wonderful World and TIGHTROPE, when he concentrated too much on the technique) can truthfully portray his emotions and the desire to portray them.

It is about making music that can convey emotions, create atmosphere. Of course, many songs attempt to do that, but in my opinion they just end up being contrived. hyde's solo, particularly the songs of intellectual musings (track six), is seriously retarded in that sense. But with tetsu's song, even the thought is joined with emotions such that a phrase (the only one I can think off my head right now is "otome ni wa nani mo") when sung, conveys an emotion that is associated with the idea, thereby explaining what he feels about the idea rather than being solely intellectual. In effect, it conveys philosophy and emotions, not just surroundings and emotions (ie: when compared to hyde's solo). And that's what makes music with lyrics special.

And of course, the emotions are different, anyway. tetsu's songs have these endearing quality to them. I don't just mean TETSU69's solo, but also pieces, bravery... they are so full of gentility that it inspires. It inspires the living, it doesn't mourn for the dead. It is not beautiful and solely that. It inspires without aiming to (I mean, unlike stupid national songs and stuff that's supposed to be inspirational but end up sounding like silly christians preaching shit), and that is a rare thing.

One can't help but be touched-- the songs obviously have been put together with a lot of effort, and concentrate on similar themes that can form a perfect album. That's why it is an album. And despite it having only 8 songs, when the album was scheduled, the songs weren't even written yet. After that, there were 10 songs, but only 8 songs were released because "there were people who's been waiting" for the album. Anyway, it's only 2500 yen, with great photos.

As to why TETSU69 suddenly released all these things after so long without head or tail, I think the events regarding record label changing, the themes of the songs would explain everything. Also, especially after the breakup with Sony, there are more apparent attempts to reach out to fans, such as the secret fan's gathering where the shirt "I was born for seeing you" was given out for his birthday. In December, there will be a programme scheduled called "Sweet December".

At any rate, I have been sharing similar thoughts (before this album was released) regarding dreams, and people who do not succeed. Although, I don't have Views regarding righteousness. Especially since I've dealt with death, I understand what he's trying to get at in SCARECROW, and evil evil fate. Muwahahaha. Eviiiiil. fatum.

So yes, I love tetsu. I don't know the outcome of everything, but SUITE NOVEMBER is a comfort. tetsu is a comfort. I was telling my friend about not being able to get TETSU69's goods, which is sad. He has really nice goods. Heeeh. Yes, I think, after all these, I love tetsu.

I am a sixty-niner... I was born for knowing you, too.
 

NB: I bought another version of little tetsu. I called it little ogawa, because it's meant to be kept in the closet (literally). But little tetsu retains his cuteness, despite everything it has gone through. Yaaay!